REALLY Taking Chances....

Here’s another one of my new pieces that I really love. I have a box of beads that I keep separate from the rest and it contains some of my favorite, and most pricey, lampwork collection. They were torched by two German beadmakers that I found on Ebay. I’ve finally started working some of them into these new pieces, but I’m still hoarding most of them!

So I had an interesting conversation with my guitar teacher last night. I take guitar once a week, and because I typically can’t find any other time during the week, Gary and I call my weekly lesson my “once a week supervised practice”. What the hey, at least I’m picking up my guitar once a week. I really enjoy my lessons, as much for hanging out with Gary as for the musical development. We have a great time cracking jokes on each other. I always joke with him that I’m his favorite student. :-) Anywho, we were working on a new song last night, Sugarland’s “Stay”, and I was picking it up pretty easily. He felt this was a great song for me; it’s in my vocal range and it has minimal accompaniment. Most of the song just has a simple guitar strum background, so it would be truly easy for me perform in a solo acoustic setting. So here’s the thing. As you know from reading this blog, I have no trouble sharing my jewelry or my writing with people, both creative pursuits. I think I’ve developed a good eye for jewelry design and color blending, and I know I’ve always been a very strong writer. Yet, I have terrible stage fright when it comes to sharing my music, another creative pursuit.

Before taking up guitar, I had years and years of piano training, classical mainly, but I loved to branch off into Blues and Broadway. When I can warm up my dusty fingers and play at the top of my game, I know that I really am still very good. Yet I really don’t like to play for people, not even my family, but my cats and dogs have enjoyed numerous concerts! Hmmm….actually I think I have a much easier time playing for strangers than I do for my friends and family. I’m the same way singing and with the guitar. I’ve sang in public a few times for very special occasions, three or four times on campus for special events and several times for my statewide student government buddies, accompanied on guitar by my good friend Jim Phillips. I’ve also sat in on a couple gigs with friends who are professional singer/songwriters. And every time, I’ve had numerous people come up to me afterwards wowed that I can really sing. Yet, other than my DH and the girls, who I truly haven’t played much for, the only person who has really heard me play guitar and sing is Gary, and even he hasn’t heard me truly belt it out vocally. And I’ve been taking lessons from him for at least five or six years now.

So back to that conversation we had. I was talking to Gary about my stage fright and he told me a story about when he was asked to play drums to accompany a woman that was recording some new songs. The person making the connection asked him what he charged, and he gave her a ridiculously low fee for both rehearsal and studio time. She told him, “Oh no, I can’t tell her that. We’ll tell her $50/hour for rehearsal time and $100/hour of studio time.” She told him that he was very talented with years of training and experience and should not be afraid to charge a much higher rate for his talent. He used this as an example to get me to see that I have a gift, a talent that I should not be afraid of sharing, just like I have no fear of sharing my jewelry and my writing. In his opinion, I am musically gifted both vocally and instrumentally, gifts most people don’t have.

So that said, to try to break out of that stage fright a little bit, I have decided to start small by sharing some of my music with you here. If you’ve read this blog from the beginning (tee hee, Kelly made a funny!), then you know that I lost my mother to suicide just after Christmas in 1999. It’s hard to explain what that does to you, other than the huge sense of abandonment and loss of self-worth you feel when someone that close to you chooses to end her own life. It’s very different from losing a parent by natural causes like cancer or a heart attack. At only 54 and going through a nasty divorce from my step-father, my Mom thought she had nothing to live for, yet she had me and my sister, and in my case, possibly grandchildren on the way. (Click here and here for posts in which I talk about Mom.) So of course, my husband decided I really needed to go to therapy. I really didn’t want to go to therapy, just didn’t think that was for me, but I went just once to appease him. I was right; it wasn’t for me. I deal with things better working them out creatively, whether it be by writing, creating something physical like art, or as in this case, creating music. So as my therapy, I recorded a CD and dedicated it to my Mom. I gave a copy of it to my closest friends when I finished it, but other than that, not very many people have heard it. So…you want to hear some of it? I’ve uploaded a few of the songs off the CD. Be gentle; I can carry a tune but I’m not Faith Hill. :-) Click here to hear the songs. They're a mix of country and blues. I'll hold my breath now...

Like this post? Click here to sign up for free weekly email reminders.