Monday, December 31, 2012

Taking Stock

On the Trail
Walking the Black Rock Beach trail, Big Talbot Island, Christmas morning 2012
Happy New Year to you, friends.  I've not posted as much as I normally do these past couple months as the world's just been moving a bit too quickly!  As I think back on the year, I reflect upon a year that's been a bit challenging.  I've worked through continuing struggles at work, and our college has been in crisis for about six months.  The college will come through it as it always does, but times like these definitely make you take a closer look at what you are doing and determine whether or not its feeding your soul like it should. If I could make a change, I would, but I'm not quite there yet so I'll work to find peace in my workdays. 

I've also worked through struggles with extended family issues that I imagine will be ongoing for a while.  I've not shared those here, and I won't share the details, but they've brought hurt that cuts deeply.  In all, I think the year can be summed up in the month of December.  December has been a tough month for me since I lost my mom, but this year I think it hit me a bit harder.  I turned 47 this December, and for some reason, 47 feels incredibly older than 46, mentally at least.  Physically, I still feel like I'm in my 30's, and I'm grateful for my good health.  Typically I post on my birthday, but I didn't this year as my birthday fell on the second day of Market Days, leaving me no time to write.  But I guess I sort of just let it pass without a mention because I didn't want to accept being 47.  December brings the anniversary of my mom's death, and I miss my mom most on my birthday. I lost her 13 years ago December 27.  But this year, I also remembered that exactly three years later, on the third anniversary of her death, I learned I was pregnant with the two incredible little redheads that now bless my life daily. That little bit of God's magic has never been lost on me, but it spoke more loudly to me this week. My girls are forever my bright spot, as is my husband, who keeps us all sane and grounded.

So this week, I have been taking stock...taking stock of what 2012 has brought me and what changes I hope to make in 2013.  I want to work less and play more, or at least feel like I'm playing more when I'm working.  I've lost that sense of play I used to enjoy on the job, so if I can't recapture it there (giving it my best shot!), I want to recapture it in other ways. Spending time with my shelter pups has been a blessing in that area this year. I want to spend more time in the woods, like on the trail above. God's nature is my church, and due to my knee surgery, I haven't spent enough time in it this year. A walk on a trail with my camera in my hand feeds my soul.  I also want to slow down; it's so true that time truly moves more quickly as you get older.  So I want to slow down and mindfully breathe in the magic that I know happens around me every single day  if I would just take more time to fully soak it in. And I want to remember it. I want to remember all those little bits of magic that make up the minutiae of every day life happening right before my eyes.  It's those every day moments that make life the masterpiece it is.

Let's not take them for granted, those everyday moments. Let's find time to play, slow down, and take long walks on green trails.  And let's write it all down. So we can remember it all.  That's what I plan to do.  You with me?  I wish you the best of dreams in 2013. 

  

1 comment:

Leanne said...

OH, my friend . . . I'd give you a big hug if I were near you right now. I think 2012 was a challenging year for so many people, and that big sigh of relief when closing the chapter on that year somehow helps. The obstacles (work, extended family) will probably come (and go, and come and go) again.. But finding that peace in your life, and taking those deep breaths when needed, is most important. Wishing you a wonderful New Year, dear. LOVE those girls of yours!