When Plans Change

Heads up: long, personal story post coming up … My husband always says, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans,” his way of saying those plans rarely go the way you’ve planned. 

Dad on his 80th Birthday

I shared back in this post that my sister and I were helping our Dad though a major life change. That major life change was a divorce, not of his choosing, at 80. His now former wife, Kathy, who filed the papers, is 78; she was his third wife, and they had been married nearly 28 years. When preparing to write this post, I noticed that the last time I posted here was August 6. Friday, August 8, my Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly of an apparent heart attack. As I had feared when I first learned of the divorce, the stress of the situation ultimately took his life.  

Because Dad passed prior to the divorce being final, Kathy got everything she wanted … him out of her life AND his social security and life insurance. To add insult to injury, my sister and I were paying Dad’s attorney’s fees because Kathy controlled all the money in the relationship other than his monthly social security payments, and she even refused to reimburse my sister and me the funds we spent on his behalf for the divorce she wanted.  

The previous four and a half months had been really challenging helping him through the divorce and working through what the next stage of his life would look like post-divorce. He and Kathy adopted Kathy’s grandson as an infant (her daughter is a drug addict), so they were parenting a 12-year-old at the time of his passing. My sister and I knew that once the divorce was final, Dad would be living a pretty sad existence in an apartment, as he wanted to stay in West Palm Beach to be near the child. So when I learned of his passing, it was one of those surreal moments in which I really didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, I was sad that I’d lost my father, but on the other hand, I was relieved for him that he was no longer in that horrible situation. It’s been three months now, and I’m still wrapping my head around it. As life goes sometimes, it’s not lost on me that I also lost my mother – to suicide – in the middle of her going through a divorce from her third husband. 

On my wedding day

My sister and I went down to South Florida about 10 days after his passing, and thanks solely to his half-sister who came over to the house to pack up his office for us, we were able to pick up some of his things. My sister and I spent a day back in Jacksonville going through the collection of pictures and keepsakes he’d held on to over the years. Seeing the cards and letters from us that we’d sent him while we were in college was an extra sweet find. He was a bit of a pack rat and incredibly organized in his paperwork, so it was fascinating going through some of those things and seeing a side of him we didn’t know very well.

This all happened while I’ve been in the midst of a fairly large transition of my own. Though my job is still in Tallahassee, I’ve worked out a plan to work from home in Jacksonville for this last year before I plan to retire next summer, so I’ve been slowly moving things back home to Jacksonville. My girls are living in my little house in Tallahassee for grad school, so at least we didn’t have to move the whole house, but moving my art studio and all my supplies sure made it feel that way! It’s been challenging getting everything moved, unpacked, and rearranged, thus the reason this blog and my Instagram has been void of creative works for a bit. The bigger challenge for me though has been being away from my girls! Because we lived in the same town where they went to college, we never really had that empty nest. Though they weren’t under our roof full time anymore, they were just across town and we still saw them regularly. Them being in Tallahassee and me being in Jacksonville has been hard on this Mama’s heart, as now we truly do have an empty nest. And add to all this, I’m currently 23 days on the other side of a total knee replacement, right knee, so I’ve been homebound recovering, unable to drive! As someone who’s used to being always on the go, that’s been a super big challenge for me. I’ll share more about that later.

When I look back over this little blog of mine, while I started it to share my creative work, it’s truly been a catch all of my life for the past twenty years. Good times, not so good times, family news, shelter photography … this little blog has been quite the hodgepodgerie of stories. I know that there are much better blogging platforms out there now, but I haven’t been able to let go of this little Blogger blog. I’ll leave this post with the tribute I wrote for my Dad, below. Thanks for taking a read ...  

Dad and his girls and grands

Michael Howard Nelson was born in Brooklyn, New York, and moved to Miami, Florida, at 12 years old. After nearly 20 years in Miami, where he met our mom and married her in the Fifth Street Baptist Church of Key West, he also lived in the St. Petersburg/Clearwater area for nearly 20 years before finally settling in the Wellington area of West Palm Beach.

Dad was known for his positive attitude, his “Mikeopedia” trivia knowledge, and – having raced both boats and motorcycles in his younger days – his love of fast boats, fast motorcycles, and fast cars. He also loved animals and had many beloved pets over the years, including the shaggy little mutt and best buddy he leaves behind, Scruffy. He loved to share stupid Dad jokes via email and text messages, particularly puns and plays on words, and he never met a cheeseburger or a Duffy’s giant pretzel that he didn’t like. His favorite vacation spot was Boca Grande, where he built decades of wonderful memories with great friends and family. I know many of my friends enjoyed Boca Grande boat rides thanks to Dad, and I truly believe those times in Boca Grande with that huge gaggle of friends and family from St. Petersburg and Clearwater were the happiest days of his life and contain some of my fondest memories as well.

Dad had a long career that included a variety of roles. From parking cars at Miami Jai Alai (where he also played jai alai!) and working at Sears Roebuck as a young man while putting himself through college at Florida Atlantic University, he later spent many years in the banking industry, ultimately landing a few bank president roles, and finally running his own business, Effective Solutions, Inc. He also served as the President of the Board of Directors of the Wellington Chamber of Commerce and served the Wellington community in various other volunteer roles. He was a notary public and never turned away a neighbor in need of a signature. That's how Kim and I met several of his neighbors whenever we were visiting! Kim and I are incredibly grateful to Dad's neighbor Winston, who's checked in on us regularly over these past six months and has been there for Dad through those challenging times.

No matter where Dad went, he made friends easily. Whether with one of his closest friends to this day that he met in college (affectionately known to me and Kim as "The Robber") to close friends he made in St. Petersburg and Clearwater and later Wellington, he always had a gift for making others feel comfortable and welcome. Kim and I have felt the presence and love of those close friends as we’ve been working through his passing and are grateful for their sharing of special memories.

Though the challenges of his later personal life were often difficult, Dad continued to face them with optimism and courage, and his legacy of perseverance will live on in the hearts of those who knew him best. While his final months were marked by a journey of emotional struggle, he never lost his sense of humor or the ability to pass along his favorite dog memes. He was most proud of being our Dad, and Jack's dad, who he and Kathy adopted nearly 13 years ago.

About two weeks after Dad's passing, Benny and the girls, my sister, and I met up with our cousins Ray and Susan for brunch. Ray lived with my mom and dad and me for a time right after he graduated high school, and they were always close. For those of you who've known me forever and have heard my stories about my special Aunt Livy, Ray is Aunt Livy's son. When we came home after the brunch, Dad was sitting there waiting for us at our front door. His remains had arrived. Kim and I had already decided that Dad would like to hang out off my dock, so it felt a bit meant to be that when we looked out at the river, it was the perfect high, outgoing tide. So we all looked at each other and said, "Now?" So now it was, and we all walked out to the dock to scatter Dad's ashes in the river, along with some of the crunched up new-flavored Oreos he had recently sent Kim. The fish enjoyed both.

Because of Dad's love for animals, if you'd like to make a donation to Big Dog Ranch Rescue (where Scruffy was adopted from) or Friends of Jacksonville Animals, Inc. in his name, we know he'd love that. He's always been a big fan of my shelter photography. Rest in peace, Dad. We love you. We'll save a spot on the beach in Boca Grande for you, and we'll put your dollar up at Cabbage Key.

If you’d like to read more “life stories” here on the blog, check out the Living Life’s Lessons posts.You can navigate post categories through the links in the right column.