What Does Authenticity Mean?

Well, the fog I described last week is lifting, but I continue to be a scattered-brained mess! :-) My house looks like a tornado hit, and as I sit here in my little office, I’m surrounded by fake dollar bills (the play kind, just so you Feds know, I’m not creating dollar bills here), an atlas, Ebay and Etsy receipts, three cameras, my new deposit slips, stamp and fancy checkbook for my business checking account, scribbled notes written while trying to find a hotel for our trip up to North Georgia later this week (thus the atlas mentioned earlier…who knew we’d be visiting Aunt Livy the same four days as a huge gospel fest AND softball tournament in the same area?), a few shells, baby lotion, kids shampoo, a large comb, innumerable blankets, quilts and scarves the girls have pulled out of their room to play with, and um, a reindeer that poops jelly beans. And that’s all just in my little 5’ x 5’ office nook! And that doesn’t include the “normal” office stuff that’s supposed to be here! The rest of my house is currently in a similar state. Oh well.

I made this necklace a couple weeks ago while my friend Dana was over for a play date. It's now in my Etsy store here. That big piece of jade up front used to be in a different piece that I’ve had laying around for a while, so I reworked it for summer. Dana just finished Florence, and we were celebrating. Who is Florence, you ask? Florence is a mannequin Dana collaged from head to toe with all sorts of fabulous stuff. Took her two years! Serious dedication there! My only suggestion was that she change out Florence’s boring brown wig for a hot pink one. That was my contribution, and we both feel it was the finishing touch. Sorry, no pictures of Florence to share with you because Dana is thinking about starting a blog, and when I suggested that maybe it could be Florence’s blog, Dana’s face lit up. So I’m hoping she’ll follow through with that, and THEN Dana will share pictures of Florence with you.

When talking about Florence and her potential blog, Dana and I got on the subject of authenticity, which seems to be the biggest buzz word in blogging. We talked about what we think that means. What the heck does that mean anyway? Dana is a psychology instructor, and though we are very dear friends, we have very different approaches on life. Dana, God bless her, is a mega-analyzer. And I’m really, um, not. I’ll analyze temporarily, but then I’m over it; the old “it is what it is” motto I live by. Experience it, learn from it, move on. And while I certainly touch on my personal life here, I try my darndest not to dwell on issues I may be struggling with. Hashing out my problems, insecurities, fears, what have you, in a public forum is just not how I process things. Other people do, and if that works for them, I think that’s great! But just because someone chooses not to hash out those things on a blog, does that mean they are not being authentic? I certainly do not think so, and it’s that line of thinking that really bugs me about authenticity talk.

Lori mentioned something similar on her blog a while back, and she has the exact same outlook on life that I do (one of the many reasons I love you Lori!). No one’s life is perfect. Bad things happen to everyone, regardless of whether you are a stay at home mom or working mom, regardless of your income or lack thereof, regardless of your marital status, regardless of where you live and whether you have a river in your backyard or not, regardless of what you choose to share and choose not to share. Bad stuff just happens. That’s just life. The one thing that we all have in common is that we all have the choice regarding how we react to that bad stuff. We all have the choice of whether or not to choose happiness or dwell on the negative. 99 times out of 100, I choose to be happy. Am I Pollyanna-ish enough to think that I’m, therefore, going to be happy every single second of every single day? Heck no! I have my moments. But when I’m not in a happy place, I typically choose not to share that with the world. That’s what works for me. That is the “authentic” me, take 'er or leave 'er. And I eat lots of chocolate and lick batter directly out of the brownie batter bowl.

Coming Out of the Fog

I created this postcard a while back for Beth’s Great Stitched Postcard Swap. The rules were that it had to be stitched in some way and include something wrapped around the theme of “time.” I mailed it off months ago, to Australia no less, but unfortunately I’ve never received one in return. Oh well, guess that’s how swaps go some times. I have been participating in a couple other postcard swaps and those have been a bit more successful, so I’ll share some of those soon. And I’m way overdue on catching up on some mail art for a couple friends, so I hope to get to that this weekend!

I thought the topic of time was perfect for me today as I’ve been in a bit of a fog as to where mine has gone lately. Obviously, my little blog has been a bit neglected here lately, and I feel like I haven’t been able to get anything accomplished. I’ve been more scattered-brained than usual and tired all the time, and I've been having a heck of a time getting out of bed in the morning for about a month. But I think I finally pinned it down last night! I blogged about my balance dysfunction a while back here (and that vestibular rehab therapy did absolutely nothing for me, by the way). Earlier this summer, I had a really bad few weeks….the entire month of June really. It started with a very bad spin that lasted….four….days. It was awful. It actually happened while I was in Tallahassee for a conference. First spin came on that Wednesday night, then another Thursday morning and then the spinning just would not stop. If something like that had to happen out of town, I was very blessed that it happened in Tallahassee where I have a good support group of friends. My dear friend Jim (otherwise known as my other husband) picked me up at the hotel Thursday morning and took me to his office. The owner of their company lives in Tampa but is in Tallahassee pretty regularly, so they actually have a sleeping suite there in the office. That way, I could try to sleep it off in a place where someone could keep an eye on me instead of being alone in a hotel room.

The spinning still had not stopped by the end of Jim’s workday, so he took me over to my good friend KT’s house so she could keep an eye on me for the night. I took two Tylenol PM’s and tried to continue to sleep it off (I had already thrown up all my dizzy meds that I had brought with me). Friday morning, I still had not stopped spinning, so we decided we had to get me home. I called DH, and Jim drove me half way, meeting DH in the middle. I had to leave my van sitting in the DoubleTree parking garage. Thankfully a couple of my former students, both now at FSU, were able to drive it home for me that next day.

By the time I got home Friday afternoon, I wasn’t able to get in to see my dizzy doc, so I just went to Solantic. I told that doc that I have a severe balance disorder that I was being treated for, but the spins had never lasted as long as these were lasting. He checked me out and did determine that I had a slight ear infection that might have been contributing to the problem. He gave me a heavy dose of antibiotics to try to clear that up quickly, and the spinning actually started to settle down Saturday afternoon.

Then the next week, I had another bad spin. And then another the week after that, and another the week after that. My dizzy doc ran more tests on me to see if anything had changed and, though my ear drum is continuing to pull away on my left side (trying to compensate for the extreme lack of balance function in that ear), everything else appeared status quo. He chalked it up to a bout with positional vertigo compounded by my regular spins and decided I needed to up my regular dizzy med dosage to a full pill instead of a half.

And that brings me back to my time fog. I realized last night that this fog I’ve been in has pretty much correlated to the time I’ve been taking the full pill (I’m on klonopin, which if you Google you can find out all sorts of good stuff…but really I’m not psychotic, since you’ll see that one of its primary uses is as an anti-psychotic! Rarely do any of the sites mention that it’s also often used in treating severe vertigo!). The major side effect for me has always been increased drowsiness and lack of concentration. So last night, I went back to half a pill….and this morning I was actually able to get out of bed a little easier and I have a little more energy today! Keep your fingers crossed for me that I can go back to half a pill permanently without spinning!

*We will now return to your regularly scheduled Artful Happiness programming…. :-)

Time for August Free Bling!

Congratulations to Angie from South Florida for winning July's free bling pendant! Visit Angie's Etsy shop here. Cute stuff! And remember that second giveaway I had last month? Free entry into Dirty Footprints Studio's Art Journal LOVE Letters class? Congrats to Chelsey, from Melbourne, Florida! Take a peek at Chelsey's blog here. Both of these lovely ladies are members of FEST, the Florida Etsy Street Team!

For August, here’s one of my glass tile pendants featuring my "Eye of the Beholder" photograph. This is actually a macro shot of grass seed pods. I managed to spot them, run upstairs and grab my camera, and capture them about two seconds before my husband ran over them with the lawn mower. I was really pleased with the shot when it popped up on my screen. The tile is handmade glass from Annie Howes, who makes all my glass for me, and the pendant is finished with a silver-toned aanraku bail. It comes complete with a silver-tone ball chain cut to the length of your choice.

To be eligible to win, simply visit either of my Etsy shops (here for jewelry and here for photography) and leave a comment in the comment box below with the link to your favorite piece along with a way to reach you and where you’re from by midnight Thursday, September 2, 2010. Want more entries? Tweet, blog or Facebook this giveaway and leave another comment with the link. The next winner will be drawn via random.org Friday, September 3, 2010. Don't want to miss a single Free Bling Friday? Click here to sign up for free weekly email updates or subscribe in the reader of your choice in the right column over there. Be sure to join my Facebook Fan page for Fan specials! Thanks for stopping in!

The Big Redneck Birthday Bash

Last year after the girls’ slumber party birthday party, I distinctly remember telling DH that maybe we didn’t need to do a slumber party next year, yet I apparently forgot about that until I was dead dog tired after all the girls went home late Sunday morning. A gaggle of giggling seven-year-olds will wear your butt out! But a grand time was had by all. This top picture is the majority of the girls eating dinner after playing on our redneck waterslide for a couple hours.

And here you see Molly’s hot pink ‘do. The girls were drawing chalk mermaids and mermaid villages on our side porch, and Molly was rolling around on them trying to be the center of attention. I rather like the hot pink, don’t you?



And so here you have it…our redneck waterslide. For the two previous years, I spent $250 renting one of those large inflatable water slides, and sure, they all had a blast, but $250 was just a bit much for the amount of time they spent on it. So this year, DH devised this lovely redneck waterslide…combine your traditional slip and slide with a small ramp extended from the slide on the play set, and voila! My video-taking skills are a bit weak but I think you’ll get the drift. Enjoy! Now it’s time to get back to the studio this weekend!

Happy Birthday Sarah and Olivia!

Seven years ago today, at 12:11pm and 12:15pm, Sarah and Olivia made their grand entrance into this world. It was a rough entry, and I can’t believe it’s been seven years, but it has been seven years of truly wonderful blessings. In these seven years, I have watched them grow from tiny little preemies who could fit on my forearm to happy, healthy, beautiful young ladies. They have humbled me to the world around me, they have taught me how to truly love with all my heart and soul, and they have helped me grow in ways I never would have imagined before.

This is one of my favorite pictures of them. They were about two here. And here they are today, making the same silly faces. Thank you, sweet angels, for all that you have brought me. I cherish every day with you.

Welcome Home…and An Idea Taking Shape

This is what I came home to in the wee hours of the morning Sunday night/Monday morning (click on photo to enlarge). Our flight out of LaGuardia was delayed, so I didn’t get home until after midnight. These sweet little notes were posted on my bathroom mirror from Livvie. (Yes, I have a grass green bathroom and I like it that way, thank you very much. I also have a grass green bedroom, a terra cotta melon great room, a butter yellow girls room, and a light purple guest room, just in case you were wondering…and what the heck, while I’m at it, the outside of my house is sky blue with white trim, aqua doors, and pink porch ceilings.) As much as I enjoy NYC, I miss my family so much while I’m gone. The girls called me every day and wanted specific details of what I was doing at that very moment, including what I saw, heard and smelled around me. It was a true exercise of the senses!

I also came home with a book crystallized in my head. It’s been something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and a conversation I had with a homeless man on 5th Avenue helped it all fall into place for me. I’m drawn to those sitting on the ground for some reason, and I always stop and talk with a few that look capable and willing to carry on a conversation. I want to know their stories; I want to know how they got to this point in their lives; I want to know their wishes and their dreams. And I’ve seen that many times, just someone sitting down and talking to them, someone recognizing that, “Yes, I do see you there and, yes, you do matter,” can make a world of difference to them in ways that we may never be able to imagine.

The man I talked with Saturday was a Vietnam War vet who lost both legs to the war, but I heard no bitterness in his sweet soulful voice while we talked, only gratefulness for the conversation and the Coke I bought him. He had a beautiful black dog with him (yes, you know the dogs are always going to suck me in), and I was touched that he made sure his dog had everything he needed when he himself had so little. So there we sat…he in his wheelchair and me and his dog leaning up against a 5th Avenue purveyor of finery neither he nor I could ever afford, and we had a lovely chat. I’ve found that if you open yourself up to strangers, even those that most everyone else intentionally ignores, you often find blessings and reminders of how much you actually have to give to this world, and how much others can give to you. Remember my friend Franklin Fung Chow?

Gone Shoppin'

Just a quick note to say I'm off to New York City 'till next week! I'm actually taking four students to a conference, but I'm quite certain we'll get some shopping done while we're there. Have a great weekend!