If you're popping in here this week, I hope you've had a joyful holiday season, no matter how you celebrate! The holidays can be a challenging time for some, so if you are one of those people, I'm sending you a little extra love today. It's a tough time for me some days as well, especially today. Today marks 25 years ... 25 years! ... since my mother left this earth by her own hand. I have some ornaments on my tree that are special remembrances of my mom, and this is one. I gave this to her for Christmas in 1999, two days before she chose to leave us. The beautiful cloisonne egg in the lower left was also hers. The photo below was taken on Christmas Day that year, me at the top, Mom and my sister Kim below. In case you're new here, I'll share this post with you. It starts with a story that quickly poured out of me through a prompt from a mothers' art group I was part of at the time; I followed the initial writing with a 10-year followup in that post.
At 25 years, time hasn't changed much.
I still miss her everyday, though the hurt has faded most days. What I continue to miss most now is what an amazing grandmother I know she'd be to my girls, and it continues to sadden me that they never knew her. The holidays were pretty hectic for us this year with some extra travel, so I didn't get around to decorating our front porch until the 23rd. When I mentioned that morning that I hadn't decorated the front porch yet, my husband said "It's okay, you don't have to." And I immediately replied, "Yes, I do ... I don't do it for me." I do it for her. My Mama was an over the top Christmas decorator. Even when I was a child and we didn't have much money, she decorated as much she could with whatever we had, including lots of handmade decorations, some of which I still have. As I grew up and the house got a little bigger, the decorating got bigger, with numerous trees and lights outside. She LOVED Christmas and, in addition to her over the top decorating, she was also an over the top gift giver - something that I inherited, as I know I spoil my girls during the holidays just a tad too much. So after I finished putting up those front porch lights (with a little help from my family), I went upstairs later that night and plopped down in my girls' room to talk to them about my mom. They've known for quite some time how she died, but I try to tell them the good stories about her so they can know her like I did. And I realized I hadn't told them WHY all this decorating is so important to me, even if I don't get it up until two days before Christmas. They know I lost my mom during the holidays, but what I hadn't told them was that the very last day I spent with her was Christmas Day. I feel like I have a little bit of her with me with all the extra decorations ... So those lights are for you, Mama. I hope they look nice from up there. Merry Christmas.
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing. Hits home. Love you. She’s proud of you, and your girls- her grandchildren. You indeed embody all those good parts of her, and I’m sure she had many, as do you, as do your girls. xo
Sending you lots of love and hugs. 🩷
Kelly, thank you so much for sharing this. Your mom sounds amazing! And especially since she raised you, I know she had to be awesome! December 27th was a close friend's birthday who died by suicide on Aug 7th this year, so reading your post was especially poignant for me. Keep raising awareness, keep being the strong, loving, amazing person that you are!! Love you, sister 🤗❤️💛
Kristin ❌⭕️
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