I've
been in serious need of a mental health day, so the fam and I took a
day to drive up to Providence Canyon State Park in Lumpkin, Georgia, to
explore yesterday. It's a very cool place! Other than making jokes
about being a medically diagnosed dizzy blonde, I don't normally share
my health struggles, but I decided to share this in the event it helps
someone.
First, menopause is no joke. (Men, please read that
again... menopause is no joke.) I've been battling some side effects for
a couple years now. I'm currently six weeks to the day into a maddening
case of 24/7 tinnitus (the medical term for ringing in the ears.) I've
had inner ear issues most of my life (which is what causes my vertigo),
and I've just assumed the tinnitus is related to my ear damage, but I've
also recently read it can be a side effect of menopause. Whatever the
cause, it's hit me really hard.
I'm normally a naturally
positive, glass-is-half-full kind of girl, but I have been truly
struggling with this, and I hit a pretty low spot last week. Sleep is
very hard to come by with a constant ringing in your ears, and lack of
sleep compounds so many other things. For me, it's heightened my vertigo
issues and caused a shingles flair up. My worst night was this past
Tuesday when I got maybe a total of two hours of sleep. At one point, I
remember thinking that, wow, I think I understand how my mother made
the decision she did to end her life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in the
least bit having those types of thoughts about my own life, but just
the idea that I understood that thought scared the hell out of me.
After
a good pretty breakdown with a very dear friend over lunch and my
husband later in the day on Wednesday, I called my doctor and got in to
see him on Thursday. We talked a LONG time about a lot of
things, and I've got several issues going on. Challenge is in
determining the old chicken and the egg. My blood pressure was very high
for me ... which could be causing the tinnitus which likely is causing
the shingles flare up (for me, normally stress induced) and amping up my
usual vertigo issues. Or all those things and having a conversation
about things that are difficult to talk about may be increasing my blood
pressure. Either way, he's put me on a blood pressure med, a mild
anti-depressant and triple my normal valtrex maintenance dose for my
shingles to knock the flare up back down. I see an ENT specialist
Tuesday to see if we can do anything about the tinnitus, and I'll see
Dr. Allen again in a couple weeks, or sooner if needed. If the ENT can't
determine any cause for the tinnitus (which is unfortunately often the
case with tinnitus), I will see a therapist for some other coping
strategies other than the white noise app I'm currently using. Full
transparency, I am hesitant to take the anti-depressant given my
mother's history, so I'm not sure how I feel about that. Haven't started
taking it yet.
Yesterday was a really good break for me, and
once we got home, I just settled in on the couch and watched TV for a
bit before going to bed early. So like I said, I don't usually share
this kind of stuff, but .... men, listen to your wives/girl
friends/whatever when they share menopause struggles and understand that
they are very real. Whether my tinnitus is menopause related, who
knows. And friends, take the time needed to take care of yourselves. As
women, we so often take care of everyone else before we take care of
ourselves, and I know I can absolutely be guilty of that. When you
need help, don't be afraid to ask for it. Between all this mess, work
stress, menopause, my girls getting ready to head off to college, losing one of my very best friends very unexpectedly in October, and,
oh, a global pandemic and all that it's brought us, I've had to accept
that I have a whole lot of pretty heavy stuff going on right now and ask
for help. I think admitting all that is half the battle!
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