Happy Christmas to You: Remembering Why

I found this flyer going through some old pictures. I remember this reunion so clearly! My mom and dad had just recently divorced, so I was 12 or 13. Mom, Kim and I drove down from Orange Park with Nana and Granddaddy. And it did last pretty much all day! I have very little of my Mom’s family left so this was a nice treasure to find. My dad lost touch with most of his family so I don’t know any of them other than his step-mother and half sister, but my mom’s family was all very close, all bonded together by the Burnette sisters, which included my Aunt Margaret (Eula Margaret), my Aunt Livy (Bertha Olivia, the only one still living and my favorite person in the whole world), my Aunt Marie (Ruby Marie), and my Nana (Hazel Maxine). They had a brother as well, my Uncle Oscar (Russell Oscar), who died when I was a child.

I’d been wanting to ask Aunt Livy to write down some family history for me when we went up to see her this year for her birthday (89 this past August). The only reason I didn’t at that point was because the annual visit that usually included just me and the girls grew to include my DH, my sister and her husband, and my dad. When Aunt Livy learned they all were coming, she said, “Ya’ll think I’m gonna die or something!?!” So I decided that probably wasn’t a good time to ask her to write down family history! But about two months later, I received just that: a letter from her including all the history she could remember. Through that letter, I learned that my girls are seventh generation native Floridians. I knew we went pretty far back but I didn’t realize it was that far. Aunt Livy’s Grandfather Burnette (as well as her father, whom I called Banddaddy) were born in Madison, Florida, which is about two hours due east of Jacksonville on I-10. Its claim to fame now is the area in which you need to slow down. Madison County Sherriff’s officers love to write tickets (and yes, I got one there).

Aunt Livy’s mother’s father (my great-great grandfather if I’ve done the math right) was born in south Georgia, orphaned as a baby and grew up in an orphanage. When he was old enough to work, about 10 or 12, he was farmed out to a family who raised him until he married. He took their name, Sauls. Aunt Livy remembers that his birth name was Scotch-Irish but she can’t remember anything past the “Mc.” That explains the redheads in our family. Our Burnette ancestory is Irish, and since “Mc” became Sauls, there’s more there. I hope to trace back to find the real name.

I called my great-grandmother Bunny. Banddaddy was a landscape gardener, and he and Bunny raised their family living in the middle of nurseries. Aunt Livy said she remembers having a wonderful childhood running around the nurseries. After Aunt Margaret and Aunt Livy were born (Madison), they moved a little farther south and settled just north of the Tampa area in a little town called Elfers. Elfers was halfway between New Port Richey and Tarpon Springs. My Aunt Marie was born in New Port Richey, my Nana in Tarpon Springs, and my Uncle Oscar over in Lakeland.

By the time I was old enough to remember Bunny and Banddaddy, they had moved to Tampa proper. I still recognize the neighborhood they lived in every time I go down there because it was near a large white bell tower that is still there today, visible from I-275 South. That tower used to be in the middle of a nursery, before the nursery gave way to homes; the tower itself now sits in a park. What I remember most about Banddaddy was his size. He was a tall, burly man, probably about 6’4” or 6’5”. And Bunny was a tiny little thing. They both died in the summer on 1975, Banddaddy of a heart attack, and Bunny, three weeks later, of a broken heart. Aunt Livy wrote that “broken heart-no will to live” was actually on Bunny’s death certificate. The doctor could find no other cause of death. They had been married 63 years and were both 83 when they died.

So back to that reunion….as long as all the sisters were alive, the Burnette/Sauls clan spent a lot of time together. Thanksgivings were always spent in Lakeland at my Aunt Margaret’s house. Aunt Margaret’s grandkids, Stacy and Billy, were two of the cousins I was closest to growing up. We lost Billy shortly before Nana died, but Stacy and I still keep in touch. She now lives in Park City, Utah. I’m also still close to Aunt Livy’s kids, Ray and Darlene, particularly Ray and his wife Susan. Ray was very close to my mom and lived with us when I was a kid so he loves to tell DH funny stories about me as a child (apparently my clumsiness started early).  Christmas Eve was always at Nana's house, and we always had big bowls of Nana's Oyster Stew.  To this day, no one can make it taste like Nana did.  Mom tried several times before she died, DH has tried a few times, but there must have been some special ingredient that Nana didn't share when she shared the "recipe."  Now, DH makes us Oyster Chowder on Christmas Eve as a close substitute.

Our Olivia is named after Aunt Livy. Sarah is named after DH’s grandmother Sarah. My sister Kim is currently seven months pregnant with a baby girl who will carry our Nana’s name, Maxine. I’ve been wanting to share this story for a while and when I found the reunion flyer last week, it was a reminder of the importance of family, which seems an apt reminder this time of year. Since both my mom and DH’s mom are gone and never knew their grandchildren, teaching our girls about their past has been very important to me. We talk about Mom and DH’s mom often, about what they must be doing up there in Heaven, and sometimes the girls insight and imagination truly amazes me. As I write this, I’m wearing Mom’s robe, one of the few pieces of her clothing I kept; Livvie brought it to me since she and Sarah are wearing their robes this morning too.

So as you go into this last week before Christmas, remember that it’s not about the presents, something sometimes hard to do with children around. It’s about family, your family, God’s family, and the birth of Christ. So I’ll leave you today with a little picture of our family, taken at DH’s family Christmas party Saturday night, along with some words of wisdom from Dr. Suess. Happy Christmas week to you and yours.

“Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, was singing!

Without any presents at all! He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming!

IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same”…

"Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.

What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.

What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."

Update 3/10/11!  Aunt Livy found the "Mc" she couldn't remember.  My great-great grandfather's real last name was McAllister.  How's that for some Irish blood?

Best Shot Monday: Poignant

Love grows more tremendously full, swift, poignant, as the years multiply. - Zane Grey

Poignant: that is the word that popped in my head when I thought back on this series of photos last night.  The American Heritage dictionary defines poignant as "profoundly moving; touching: a poignant memory."  Given the news and silly story I shared with you Saturday, that's such a fitting description of this series of photos, the girls twirling in front of the Kelly House on the Chickamauga battlefield, taken during our visit with Aunt Livy about two weeks ago. 

We've visited my Aunt Livy in far north Georgia, just south of Chattanooga, the second or third week of August in celebration of her birthday for the past eight years.  Prior to that, Aunt Livy was in the Tallahassee area, so I was able to see her more frequently.  Her death has left me aching.  I should have been better prepared.  She was 92, after all.  But somehow, I just knew she was going to make it to 100.  She told me so.  Since she died in her sleep the night of her 92nd birthday, I guess she thought 92 was just right instead.  I doubt we will visit this area again; though they're all good memories made there, I think being there and not seeing her will be awfully hard. Poignant memories.

It's been fascinating watching how the girls are processing this. Olivia, Aunt Livy's namesake, has been crying at the drop of a hat just like I have.  I'll start tearing up again, causing her to start crying again. Or she'll start tearing up again, causing me to start crying again.  Sarah, on the other hand, has not shed a tear that I'm aware of.  But what she has done has been incredibly touching.  She's taken care of me and Livvie.  After I told the girls about her death Saturday afternoon, Livvie curled up in a ball on the couch and cried.  I layed down with her, and we stayed that way for nearly three hours. During those three hours, Sarah brought us Tink (most definitely Livvie's cat), Elmo (Livvie's favorite lovey), and for me, Bunny. Yes, Sarah gave me her precious Bunny to snuggle with.  She covered us up with one of the throws on the couch. She then went downstairs and went to work in my studio, making necklace after necklace for us in hopes that would help us feel better.

Livvie really didn't leave my side much until I dropped them off at school this morning.  At dinner Saturday night, she brought a very small, old doll to the table with her, one of my childhood toys. She said it reminded her of Aunt Livy, so she wanted to make it our Aunt Livy doll. She's kept it with her ever since. She slept with me Saturday night, and while she was taking a shower with me yesterday, she asked me about the funeral we will be going to Thursday.  What should she wear?  What shoes should she wear?  This is truly the first family death they have experienced. And I guess maybe since Olivia was named after Aunt Livy, she felt a stronger bond to her than Sarah did. I learn more and more about these wonderful girls every day.  I'm so thankful that Aunt Livy got to know them and they her. I was so blessed to have her in my life all these 47 years. 

Aunt Livy's 91!

We took off for Chattanooga to visit Aunt Livy shortly after my last post, so it's been a while since I've checked in! (Then we came home to a lightning strike and lost all our electronics, but that's a whole other story...) We had a wonderful visit, and no matter what we do, it's always special to visit Aunt Livy. Here are a few peeks at our trip...

 

My sister's daughter Maxine finally had her wheels this year! This was her first trip to Rock City. What a little cutie...and she even has a little strawberry blonde action going there!

 

 

So there's this bird show at Rock City...and they needed a willing volunteer...who had to wear an entertaining apron that had a dead possum sewed to the front...all so a vulture could land on her arm...several times as he flew back and forth above the audience. His name was Casey. We became great friends. He had a 5' foot wing span. Did I tell you he sat on my arm? Several times? A vulture with a 5' foot wing span? Yeah.

 

Here's Casey's friend...a little screech owl rescued off the side of the road. He was hit by a car, losing one eye.

Sarah climbed a rock wall!

 

Downtown Chattanooga is just lovely. If you've never been there, I highly recommend a visit. The Double A Chattanooga Lookouts baseball stadium was just behind our hotel, and guess who they happened to be playing that weekend?  The Jacksonville Suns! So while Kim, Maxine, Sarah and Livvie hung out in the hotel room (I can't believe they didn't want to go!), I snuck over to the game to add another stadium to my list (I have a life long dream to visit ever major league baseball park before I die...). Down near the river around the Tennessee Aquarium is a great little series of waterplay areas for the kids (big or little!) Here's little Maxine enjoying the water.

Sarah and Livvie thoroughly enjoyed the water stairs. They were awesome! Picture the Rocky stairs with water running down them; that'll give you the scale.

 

Most importantly, we visited Aunt Livy. We had a long lunch with her on Friday before we went to Rock City, and then had an early dinner with her and my cousins on Saturday. I didn't take any pictures with Aunt Livy this year since she had just fallen earlier in the week and was pretty bruised up all over the side of her face and neck; even at 91, she still has her vanity!  She's so very fragile it breaks my heart to see her that way. But I'm so grateful to still have her in my life all these years. She turned 91 today! Click back to these posts for more Aunt Livy visits and pictures of Aunt Livy... 2011 Christmas Surprise, 2011, 2010, and 2009.  Put Aunt Livy in the search bar on the top left, and you'll find all sorts of posts that include her.

Saying Goodbye

I've had an incredibly difficult day.  This morning, I learned that my dear friend Carolyn passed away yesterday afternoon after a long, hard-fought battle with cancer.  We had an event on campus today, so I had to work. Carolyn was a long-time employee of the College who ran our Outdoor Center.  She taught me much about the critters in the woods, she taught me how to dance like Elvis, and she taught everyone how to laugh at themselves.  She was incredibly funny, incredibly strong, and will be missed by many.

When I got home from work today, I got the news that completely knocked me down. Benny had to tell me that my Aunt Livy died in her sleep last night. For those of you that have been reading this blog for any time at all, you know how close my Aunt Livy and I have always been.  She has been my rock for as long as I can remember.  She's been my family history, with me through the deaths of my mother and my grandmother, her sister.  I inherited my love of photography from her and have many pictures that she took of me as a child.  She even taught me how to play poker, at seven years old! Yesterday was her 92nd birthday. This photo is of Aunt Livy, my girls and me two years ago.  My Olivia (Livvie) is named after her.

I think I've shed all the tears that I can shed for one day, so I want to tell you a funny story.  Less than two weeks ago when the girls and I were up visiting her, we took her out to dinner one night. She wanted to go to Steak 'n' Shake.  For dessert, we all ordered milkshakes.  Let me tell you, Aunt Livy loved that milkshake, said it was the best one she could ever remember having.  But you know what she loved even more?  The Steak 'n' Shake glass it was in.  When her shake was about half gone, she whispered across the table to me, "Do you think they'd mind if I took this glass?"  Not realizing what she really meant, I told her I'm sure we could get her a to go cup. She just winked at me. For the next couple minutes she casually wrapped several napkins around her glass, taking sips of her milkshake in between. Then it dawned on me. She didn't want a to go cup! She wanted that glass! As we got up to leave, her glass in her hand, I helped her to the door.  One of the employees was standing at the door holding the door open for us, and he clearly saw the glass in her left hand (she was a lefty like me), as I held her right hand to steady her walk. When he looked at me, I gave him an apologetic look, but he just looked at the two of us and grinned and said, "Ya'll have a great night now."  Once we were back in the van, Aunt Livy worked on finishing her milk shake. "This is just so good.  And I just love the way this glass fits in my hand."

I told my cousin Ray that story earlier this evening, and he couldn't believe his mama stole a glass from Steak 'n' Shake.  Then I asked him, as silly as it sounded, if he would look for that glass in her room and send it to me and the girls. I'm so incredibly thankful that in addition to all the amazing memories I have with this amazing woman, that that is the one she left me with, for she has always been able to make me laugh. You can read other posts that include Aunt Livy here.    

A Special Visit

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! My girls were up at 5:15am, so we had a LONG morning! After opening gifts (and once the sun finally came up), we loaded up for our annual Christmas morning visit to take the dogs to the beach. I'll share a few pictures of that later in the week, but today, I wanted to tell you about a special visit.

I've talked here about my Great Aunt Livy quite a bit. My last visit to her was in August for her 90th birthday. Since the annual birthday visit has grown from just being me, to being me and the girls and Benny, to now being me, the girls, Benny, and my sister, her husband and daughter AND my father, the August trip has gotten a bit hectic. As we were leaving in August, Aunt Livy quietly told me she missed spending time with me. We've always been each other's favorite! My birthday was earlier this month, and for the first time that I can ever remember, I did not receive a birthday card from Aunt Livy. I called her a few days after my birthday just to check on her, and as soon as she answered the phone, she said, "Oh! I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday!" I told her that was fine! I was just calling because I was worried about her! After that conversation, I started thinking about driving back to up to visit her for Christmas.

Even with the hectic pace that the holidays always bring, I still couldn't get that thought out of my head. So! Christmas afternoon about 2pm, I got in the car and drove up to North Georiga. She's in Rock Springs, about 20 minutes south of Chattanooga, Tennessee. I got up there about 9:30pm, and in dense fog, found a hotel. Yesterday morning, I called the nurses at her home (she's in an extended living facility), and told them that I was coming but wanted it to be a surprise. They said, "No problem! We'll make sure she's up and dressed!"

I told them I'd be there around 11am, and when I arrived one of the nurses greeted me at the door and said, "We have her all ready for you! We told her she had a surprise coming, but she thinks we were just trying to get her out of bed!" When I walked in, she was sitting next to the Christmas tree reading some mail, and I snuck up to her and said, "Merry Christmas!" I think if she hadn't had already been sitting down, she would have fallen down!

We spent about three hours together, talking and telling stories, and having a nice lunch in town, just the two of us. One of the things we talked about was my mom, both knowing the time of the year. Today is the 12th anniversary of her death. I know that the reason I am so close to my Aunt Livy is because my mom was so close to my Aunt Livy. I remember so many times with her growing up, and it was so special for the two of us to have this time together alone to share stories and, yes, share some tears.

It was a wonderful three hours, and worth every bit of the nearly-18-hour round-trip drive. I promised Benny I'd get back on the road by 2pm, so that I did. The drive back home took more than nine hours with all the day-after-Christmas traffic, but I'd get in the car and go back tomorrow if she needed me to. Every one needs an "Aunt Livy." I hope you have someone like that in your life.

Passing Down Family Creations

Well, let’s just say I now have a huge new appreciation for the three dozen Christmas balls I have of my grandmother’s. These are what we learned to make this weekend. Nana and Aunt Livy used to make them by the dozens, as evidenced by this picture of one tray of Aunt Livy’s creations (above). And now after lots of cutting, many fights with a rotary cutter, one nasty cut on my finger from said rotary cutter, and one very numb index finger from pushing in all those pins (oh, nearly 200 per ball), I know how to make them. This week anyway! I think I need to make one a week to fully etch the process into my brain.

These balls are 3”. For a 3” ball, you need 42 2 ½” squares of fabric. Aunt Livy cuts her fabric by hand, but my cousin Susan showed me her “short cut” for cutting them with a rotary cutter. Susan made it look so easy, Kim and I figured we’d just get up the next morning and whip those squares out in about 15 minutes. Yeah right. Apparently mastering the rotary cutter without slicing off your finger takes years of practice. It took us nearly an hour to cut enough fabric for one little ball. Then came all that folding and pinning and pinning and folding and folding and tucking. And then there’s that little trick to get them all lined up so they meet in the middle. I, at least, added a little to the method there. I decided to rotate from side to side and then work towards the middle from both sides instead of doing one side and then the other. We managed to finish two balls before our pin-pushing fingers gave out. We did the first in traditional Christmas-color fabric that Aunt Livy had already cut for us, and then our second in our more colorful fabric we brought with us.

Learning the process itself really wasn’t the treat though. Learning the process from Aunt Livy was the important part. She really enjoyed walking us through each step, so encouraging, while helping me and Kim juggle keeping the girls entertained making their own versions of the balls, above. Though I think they probably could have handled the folding, the rest was far beyond what their little fingers can do at six years old. (My creations below)

This was a long drive, but well worth it. I try to make it up to see Aunt Livy once a year around her birthday, and each year I leave with tears in my eyes praying I’ll have the chance again the next year. She’s pretty darn healthy for an 88-year-old, and she decided to move into an assisted living facility last month. She said she wanted to do it while the choice was still hers, not when Ray or Darlene (her children) were forced to make the choice for her, and though I see a little wistfulness in her gaze, I think she’s at peace with her choice. I hope I’m that strong when I’m 88 years old, and I hope my girls remember this day. (Kim's creations below..that one with the green and coral is my favorite of all of ours.)

The Difference in a Year

This past week has been my usual week off with my girls before school starts. It’s always proceeded by our annual trip up to the Chattanooga area to visit my great Aunt Livy for her birthday. This year she hit the big 9-0. It’s an eight hour drive one way and a relatively short trip, but worth every minute of the drive for Aunt Livy. I adore my Aunt Livy; she’s been my rock for as long as I can remember. She taught me how to play poker when I was seven, and according to my husband, how to cheat (he’s a very sore loser). She shared with me her love of photography, and her love of animals, dachsunds in particular. And she’s been my history, our family storyteller.

This year, for the first time, I heard the weariness in her voice. After we took the picture above, I sat down next to her and just talked quietly for a few minutes, asking her how she’s really feeling. And for the first time, she told me she’s finally feeling her age, and she feels like her body is breaking down. That literally broke my heart. I know the day will come when I no longer have her in my life here on Earth, and Lord knows, I’ve been dreading that day but I’m just not ready for it yet. Each year when we say goodbye, I say a prayer that I’ll see her same time next year, and drive away with tears in my eyes. You can read more about Aunt Livy in some of these posts.

After our visit, spending the week with the girls at home was just what I needed. We truly accomplished nothing more than just hanging out. And it was just what we needed! We cut up several Glamour magazines and made funny little collages, we went to the beach twice, we ran errands, we ate out at our favorite lunch spot, and we drove up to the Gate station every afternoon for an Icee. A perfect summer week. I took the picture above of the girls while we were in Chattanooga, sharing their Icee tongues. I took the picture below last year while on the same trip. What a difference a year makes! And tomorrow is the first day of third grade!

Spiral Journal Spread 11: For Aunt Livy

This was a totally different page until I hated it and then covered it up and started all over again. Ever have that happen to you?  I think it's a good metaphor for life, too, and reminds me of something a friend posted on her Facebook page: "Lesson from your dog: no matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh*# and move on."  After I did that, this spread ended up becoming a tribute to my Aunt Livy. I remember as we were leaving the funeral last week, my husband casually threw out, "and the world keeps spinning and the sun keeps rising..." despite the heartbreak. 

Once I covered up the first go 'round, I looked at the messy paper on my desk, decided to trace a stencil over it, and voila!, problem fixed!  My thanks to Roben-Marie for reminding me that those under papers come in really handy. Since they had a lot of spray ink overage on them, I did have to spray a fixative on the page to keep it from smearing before I could varnish it and write on it. I'm loving using the matte varnish technique Orly taught me on my pages.  It definitely makes them so much easier to write on.  Each of the "rays" has little words about Aunt Livy and experiences we've shared with her.

I still have my moments of Auny Livy inspired tears, but I'm doing better. My Livvie is still struggling though.  Every night I tuck her in to bed, the tears start coming again, and she asks me questions about Aunt Livy's death or death and dying in general.  "Why does everything good have to end?"  "Will my heart ever stop hurting?" and the biggee, which I think is the crux of it all, "Are you and Daddy going to die, Mama?"  I think as a parent, the hardest thing about losing a very close family member is helping your kids navigate their grief.  My heart breaks for my little Livvie. Have you had experiences with this?

Off to Visit Aunt Livy

We’re off on our annual trek to visit my Great Aunt Olivia for her birthday. She’s 89 this year and still one heck of a poker player. She taught me everything I know! She's the second oldest of four sisters and a brother and the only sibling still living. My Nana was the youngest of the crew. This picture is my Nana (left) and Aunt Livy at my wedding reception 15 years ago! Below are a few posts about Aunt Livy.

Memories of Mom, Nana and Aunt Livy

Last Year’s Preview

The Results of Last Year’s Trip

Pictured with the girls three years ago

Back on Monday!

CC Weekly Creativity Challenge: Memories of Mom

Here's my entry for this week's Creative Construction Weekly Creativity Challenge with the prompt "Memories of Mom".

When I snapped this picture of my girls and their friends on a recent field trip at the zoo, another picture immediately popped in my head. In my memory, that picture was of my mom and a group of her friends sitting outside their high school. Sometimes Sarah looks so much like my mom as a child, it’s scary. I searched for the picture for days, knowing that I wanted to compare the two, and when I finally found it, I realized it wasn’t of Mom and her friends. It was of Nana and her friends! In my search, however, I came across another group picture of Mom that I don’t ever recall seeing before. It’s funny how a simple picture can tell so many stories and bring back so many memories, while at the same time leave you with so many unanswered questions.
Nana looks to be about 14 or 15 in her picture (above); there’s no date on the back, just “Wimauma High School” in her handwriting. She’s on the far left, looking much like me, actually. She would have been 15 in 1941, four years before Mom was born. What was her life like at 15 in the small town of Wimauma, just outside of Tampa, Florida? Had she met my Granddaddy yet? It looks to be summer in the picture, so Pearl Harbor still sat peacefully shining in the Hawaiian sun. How did she feel when the calendar turned to December 7, 1941? She had three sisters and a brother. Did Uncle Oscar go off to war? He was older than she, so I can only assume he did. He died before I was born (one of our more colorful family stories as I understand he was murdered running moonshine), but I have many memories of Nana’s sisters, particularly Aunt Livy, my Olivia’s namesake. At 88 this August, Aunt Livy is my oldest living relative. I look forward to spending some time with her this summer hearing all the stories of her youth…stories I didn’t think to ask Nana about before she sunk heavily into Alzheimer’s. Nana died just three weeks after my girls were born, yet if Alzheimer’s can leave you a gift (with a little help from God), it did. When Aunt Livy went to see her shortly before she died, she told Nana Sarah and Olivia had arrived. Nana’s response? “Yes, I saw them. They have the most beautiful red hair.” She had never seen them. Memories of grandchildren she never met in life….

Mom’s group picture is stamped on the back: Girl Scouts, March 12, 1953—Released Official Naval Photograph—If Published Credit Line Must Read “Official U.S. Navy Photograph”. (There’s your credit, Navy.) Mom (middle row, fourth from left) was eight years old. Sarah’s little face peeking out from 1953... I guess I never really knew Mom was a Girl Scout, but it does make sense since she encouraged me to be one. I started out in Brownies and worked on up through the Cadet ranks in high school. What was Mom’s life like in 1953? She was born in Key West, where this photo was taken on the tarmac at the base where my Granddaddy was stationed and spent a good part of his military career until he and Nana were transferred to Naval Air Station Jacksonville in 1969. Mom grew up on that Key West base and met my dad while she was in nursing school in Miami. I can only imagine what life was like on a tiny little island, the southernmost place in the country, on a Navy base. I’ve learned bits and pieces of my mom’s childhood, primarily from Aunt Livy and her son/my cousin Ray, who grew up with Mom in Key West. Mom died way too young so I didn’t get to hear all those stories from her.
I learn my family’s memories through pictures like these….a guesstimation of memories I suppose since I’ve learned so little of the real thing. One of the side effects to being a child of so many divorces? Perhaps. You don’t talk too much about family history when your own history as you are living it is so hard to understand. The upside to this is that I can make those memories whatever I dream them to be. I can make my Nana a wonderful story teller and adventurous soul, as I’ve always guessed her to be by the humor she shared while I was growing up…even in the stories she created while living with Alzheimer’s. And I can imagine my Mom as a free-spirited little girl running around with her arms flying like the airplanes she must have seen landing and taking off daily on that base, surrounded by friends and laughing. Always laughing. And I can learn from them, and use them to create memories for my own children. And my girls will remember adventure. And they will remember laughter. And they will read my stories of them to their red-headed children, creating for them memories of their moms.

Off to Visit Aunt Livy!

Happy Wednesday! We are heading out tomorrow morning for a four-day visit to see my great Aunt Livy for her 88th birthday! Just a girls’ trip: me and the two little redheads and my sister, Kim. We’re picking Kim up at the Atlanta airport (she lives in DC) and then heading on up to North Georgia. Aunt Livy lives just south of Chattanooga, TN, in Ringgold, GA. Very much looking forward to the trip, very much not looking forward to the eight-hour drive, but with the DVD player in the van and a little help from the Man upstairs, we’ll survive! If all goes as planned we’ll come home with a few things made from this fabric. I won’t tell you what they are other than to tell you these are things Aunt Livy and our Nana, her sister, always made together, and Kim and I decided we needed to learn before no one was around to teach us! Wish us luck! See ya Monday.

Best Shot Monday: Chickamauga

This picture is actually a flashback, but I've never posted it on my blog before. This is Sarah and Olivia on the Chickamauga Battlefield just south of Chattanooga, Tennessee, and this is where we are today.

There's so much I love about this picture: the movement, the bright orange against all that green, the path trailing off into the distant trees, the smallness of my girls.  I have such vivid memories of that day. We were up visiting my Great Aunt Olivia, as we are now, but on this year, we had a crowd; my sister, her husband and baby girl, my husband Benny, and my Dad were all there.  But mostly I love it for the reason we were there: Aunt Livy. She's 92 this month, and we've had a very special bond since I was a child.  Funny, I just came across a picture my cousin, five years younger than I, posted on Facebook of Aunt Livy holding her as a baby; my Aunt Livy is her Granny. I had commented on how much I liked the picture, and she responded that, while she laughs about it now, she used to get mad at how much more attention her Granny would give to me when we were both children.  I never realized that!

I've always been very blessed to have this wonderful woman in my life. I hope you have someone like that too.

Memory Making for Mermaids

I was out for lunch today when I pulled up next to an old Ford Pinto. Wow, what memories. I couldn’t help but smile. And I also couldn’t believe that there was still a Ford Pinto on the road! When I was growing up, my mom had a red Ford Pinto just like this one.

Two particular memories jumped out at me. When I was 12, my sister two, my parents divorced, and Mom, Kim and I moved to Orange Park to be near my Nana and Granddaddy. We were driving down Blanding Blvd (which was three-lane at the time…one northbound, one southbound and one turn lane…today it’s seven lanes), and Mom hit a dog that was following a little boy riding his bike. I remember her being devastated, far more devastated than the little boy. She stopped and picked up the dog, put it in the trunk of that Pinto and followed the little boy home on his bike. Kim and I stayed in the car when we got to the little boy’s house, so I don’t remember what happened from there, just that Mom cried for quite some time that day. She would have been 32. Years later, I learned how she felt. A few years after DH and I got married, I hit a kitten coming home from class one night, and I cried for days. I was right about 32.

The second memory was far more fun. I think I was about 13, so Kim would have been three. Mom was trying to take me to school and Kim to Nana’s for the day so she could go to work, but the Pinto wouldn’t start. She got out of the car, beyond frustrated, and Kim and I followed. She kicked the car and said, and I remember this soooo clearly, “This f*#%ing car isn’t worth a s*^t!” Kim looked at Mom and then kicked the car and repeated word for word what she said. That was the first and last time I ever heard my mother cuss.

Isn’t it interesting what memories stick with us? I honestly don’t have a lot of early childhood memories; I wish I did. Most of the memories I do have revolve around my Nana since I spent so much time with her, like the time we visited Aunt Livy and Uncle Wilbur in Key West when I was seven or eight and Nana discovered that I was a sleepwalker. I went to the mall that night, sitting on the end of the bed pretending to drive and then walking down the hallway to Sears, Nana told me. (I still sleepwalk and now tend to move furniture and groceries in my sleep, go figure.) I also learned how to play penny ante poker that week. My Nana and Aunt Livy were card sharks, and I still love to play poker today. DH is a very sore loser and says Aunt Livy and I cheat. And at 88, she just grins at him and hands me a card under the table…naw….just kidding…sort of. ;-)

Before my parents divorced, Mom worked all day as a nurse, and Dad often worked two jobs, one of which was at Sears selling appliances. I know they did their best, and I’m thankful for the determination and independence they created in me. I want to create determination and independence in my girls as well, and I’m hopeful that I’m also creating lots of memories for them. I want them to remember these days. Maybe that’s one of the benefits of blogging; hopefully they’ll be able to go back and read these stories and they’ll spark memories.

Right now, the girls and I are taking an online class together called Mermaid Warriors. It’s with McCabe Russell, and we’re loving it. McCabe works with young girls, using art to help build self esteem, and she’s taking us through her class with wonderful videos and a discussion blog. One of the things I want to do with the Purple Cottage is mother/daughter art retreats combined with lessons in self knowledge, self esteem and good citizenship, and when I stumbled across McCabe’s blog and class that teaches you how to do just that, I knew the Universe was speaking to me! (I’m slowly learning to listen to her.)

This weekend, the girls had a friend sleep over and we created our first Mermaid Warrior project together, these fun little journals out of scrapbook paper and ribbon. We had so much fun! DH even pitched in where we’d let him. It was a girls’ only event after all. ;-) I took some video of the girls creating their books and talking about what they wrote in them. If I can ever figure out how to create a movie, I’ll share it with you (anyone point me to a good tutorial?). They’ve since continued to write in them and add stickers and drawings. They even created journals for their primary teacher and their art teacher and are so proud of their work. I know we’re on to something here. :-) More Mermaid Warrior projects coming. Don’t you just love that name? Perfect for us, don’t you think?

Best Shot Monday: Making a New Tradition

 

Since the girls were born, we've spent the second or third week of August visiting my Great Aunt Livy for her birthday. Aunt Livy passed peacefully in her sleep on the night of her 92nd birthday last summer, so we decided it was important to create a new tradition to celebrate her. Now, we'll spend that week on St. George Island, where we took this picture. I'm grateful that I have a friend who owns a lovely little cottage on St. George Island!

These past few weeks have definitely been ones of new adventures.  My blog absence has been due to getting the girls (and me!) ready for middle school!  They started 6th grade last Monday, and it's been quite the challenge for all getting adjusted to the new routine. Not only did the redheads have to make the transition to a new school, they also had to make the transition to riding the bus to school!  Thankfully, I was able to adjust my work schedule so that I can be home with them until the bus comes, though our bus adventure started off on the wrong foot. On the first day, as we stood at the end of our driveway waiting for the bus to stop (we live on a state road, so by law, the bus must stop at our house), the bus just blew right by!  We got in the car and chased the bus down at the next stop, and I had a little chat with the bus driver.  Though she told me we were not on her stop list, I assured her that I had already talked with the transportation department three times over the previous two weeks to ensure that we were, in fact, on her stop list.  When I called the transportation office when I got into work that day, they confirmed that, yes, we were on the list; there must have been a miscommunication with the driver.  Oh well, at least they got that challenge over on the first day, and the bus now stops at our house.

So now, summer's over. (Well, summer isn't really over in Florida until sometime in late October, but you get my point.)  It's been a whirlwind and another testament to that old cliche of time passing so quickly while your kids are growing up.  We're settling into our Fall routine, hoping for a little bit of cooler weather and getting ready for football season! 

Sunday Gratitude: Day Trip to Monticello

As they say in these parts, it's pronounced Mon-ti-SELL-o, not Mon-ti-CHELL-o, as in Thomas Jefferson's historic home in Charlottesville, VA. One of my girls and I spent the day in the Florida version, spelled just like Jefferson's Monticello, about 30 minutes east of Tallahassee, antiquing for a girls day out yesterday. 

I grew up poking through antique shops with my Mama, Nana, and great Aunt Livy, and that has stuck with me to this day. When I'm traveling for work, I make time to stop into one or two of several spots up and down I-75 and a couple over on I-95 to stretch my legs and see what I can find. I don't really hunt for anything specific - I just like to be open to random discoveries - though there are a few things that will always catch my eye: vintage or antique books that I can deconstruct and create a new life for; landscape paintings featuring beaches, streams or woods you'd likely see in the South; nice baskets; and vintage globes. My girls tell me I'm no longer allowed to bring home any more vintage globes (I have at least a dozen at this point), but what did one of them grab to help decorate their apartment? Yes, one of my globes!

Our favorite "shop" of the day was definitely Penny Lane Emporium, and we purchased several things there, including two gorgeous vintage cross-stitch pieces that needed to be rescued (I know the work that goes into those well!). But one of the coolest things we stumbled across in Monticello was a building itself, not it's contents. It's an antique store called Vintage Treasures. I've looked up the address trying to find some history on the building but couldn't find any (and if you are reading this from Monticello, please do tell!). The first floor felt like your typical "antique mall" setting with various booths spread throughout. But walk up those super rickety, steep stairs on the right side, and pop out on the second floor! It wasn't nearly as curated as the first floor. It had all sorts of things just randomly laying about. The floor was also a bit slanted and reminded me of a fun house in Maggie Valley, North Carolina's, Ghost Town in the Sky I visited as a child. And when we walked into the second large space upstairs, it was filled wall to wall with paintings. Liv and I very much felt like we were being watching, and there was definitely a weird vibe in the air. Wandering out of the haunted painting room, we ended up along the street front side of the building with all these huge, glorious windows that let in the most amazing light. In those rooms were a mix of graffiti and antiques, again not very curated, but just super cool. I took quite a few more photos in addition to what I've shared here as the light truly was magical. And you could really see the age of the building on the walls and windows along that front side. 

We stopped in for a coffee in the most adorable little coffee shop called CowHaus Coffee Company before deciding we had enough time left in the day to hop back in the car and run the 30 minutes over to Havana for some more poking around. A couple months ago, my girls and I did a full day trip antiquing, going from Tallahassee down to Webb's on I-75 just south of Lake City (but of course not before stopping into the buy-one-get-three-free boot shop at the same exit), Antique Emporium on I-75 just south of Gainesville, then Dixie J's on 27 in Williston off I-75 north of Ocala before heading back up to Tallahassee. They both said, "This full day of antiquing is not for wimps!" We have our usual favorite haunts in Jacksonville and Fernandina when we are home there as well. I'm so grateful that my girls inherited the love of poking through antique shops that I inherited from my Mama, Nana, and Aunt Livy. It's fun to share those things and discover our own little favorites. How about you? Have any fun antique shopping stories?      

North Georgia Snapshots

We had a great time in North Georgia visiting Aunt Livy last weekend. Best to share it in photos!

Our first stop was, no lie, El Cheapo gas station in Alma, Ga. Don’t you love that donkey? Can’t say I’ve ever heard of El Cheapo, but DH says they are all over the back roads of Georgia, which he’s traveled for softball tournaments. We later learned that El Cheapo is run by Friendly Gus’s brother. Gus is all over the back roads of Georgia, too.

Caught a beautiful Rainbow just north of Macon at Cracker Barrel…you know you have to eat at Cracker Barrel when you are traveling, at least in these parts.

We saw Rock City…

…where we were reminded of a very good lesson…

…and saw some of my favorite things…

…and captured a rare picture of me and DH…

…and created photographers in the making.

We visited the Tennessee Aquarium and its top floor butterfly garden…

…and Chickmauga Battlefield and its rolling hills (see those deer) and cannons….

…and my house (thank my dad for this goofy picture).

And most importantly, we spent some good time with one of the most wonderful ladies on the face of the earth, my dear sweet Aunt Livy. We spent a day making crafts and catching up and telling stories and remembering fun times (the boys visited the battlefields). We did another really cool thing Saturday night, which I’ll tell you about later this week. I’m still working through all those pictures!

Inspiration for the Week...

I received this little story from a friend via email and immediately thought of my Great Aunt Livy, pictured here with my girls. Aunt Livy will be 86 this August and is still going strong....we made her sit in the wheelchair that afternoon simply because we had been walking all over downtown Chattanooga and she was ornery enough to keep saying she didn't need that "darned old contraption on wheels". But given that we still had a couple hours of playing to do, we convinced her of it by saying the girls could sit in her lap! I hope this story inspires you!

...A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who, though legally blind, is fully dressed with his hair fashionably combed and face shaved perfectly each morning by eight o'clock, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

He continued, "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged...it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. You see, old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! And thank you, young lady, for your part in filling my memory bank because I am still depositing," he said.

With that, I leave you with the five simple rules to being happy: Free your heart from hatred, free your mind from worries, live simply, give more, and expect less.

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When Plans Change

Heads up: long, personal story post coming up … My husband always says, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans,” his way of saying those plans rarely go the way you’ve planned. 

Dad on his 80th Birthday

I shared back in this post that my sister and I were helping our Dad though a major life change. That major life change was a divorce, not of his choosing, at 80. His now former wife, Kathy, who filed the papers, is 78; she was his third wife, and they had been married nearly 28 years. When preparing to write this post, I noticed that the last time I posted here was August 6. Friday, August 8, my Dad died suddenly and unexpectedly of an apparent heart attack. As I had feared when I first learned of the divorce, the stress of the situation ultimately took his life.  

Because Dad passed prior to the divorce being final, Kathy got everything she wanted … him out of her life AND his social security and life insurance. To add insult to injury, my sister and I were paying Dad’s attorney’s fees because Kathy controlled all the money in the relationship other than his monthly social security payments, and she even refused to reimburse my sister and me the funds we spent on his behalf for the divorce she wanted.  

The previous four and a half months had been really challenging helping him through the divorce and working through what the next stage of his life would look like post-divorce. He and Kathy adopted Kathy’s grandson as an infant, so they were parenting a 12-year-old at the time of his passing. My sister and I knew that once the divorce was final, Dad would be living a pretty sad existence in an apartment, as he wanted to stay in West Palm Beach to be near the child. So when I learned of his passing, it was one of those surreal moments in which I really didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, I was sad that I’d lost my father, but on the other hand, I was relieved for him that he was no longer in that horrible situation. It’s been three months now, and I’m still wrapping my head around it. As life goes sometimes, it’s not lost on me that I also lost my mother – to suicide – in the middle of her going through a divorce from her third husband. 

Mamma Mia Girls Night Out

Normally, I'm glued to the TV on Wednesday night watching the latest episode of Lost, and since I missed last night, don't tell me whether or not Locke is really dead... I still have to catch up! Since my husband is almost always tuned to the History Channel, the only TV I really watch on a regular basis is Lost, What Not to Wear on TLC, and Antiques Roadshow (yes, I admit it, I am an Antiques Roadshow geek). Last night, however, I went to see the Broadway musical Mamma Mia with Krista, Molly, and Laura, all fellow Chi Omega alumnae here in town. What a fun girls night out! You just have to have those every now and then.....especially with little ones at home. Since my department at the College falls under the same area as the Artist Series, we had primo seats: 9th row! Great show with all those fun old ABBA songs, and it was very cool how they wrapped the storyline around those ABBA lyrics.

On the amusing side, we were sitting smack dab in the middle of a very large senior citizen group, so you had the four of us girls dancing and singing amongst a large group of folks sitting quietly, watching us like perhaps we had had one too many martinis at dinner (I only had one beer, honest!). One little old lady just in front of us did start really getting into it during the finale, though (which is what this picture is from); she was standing up, singing loudly, and swinging her arms back and forth, much to the amusement of her friends, who I guess had not quite mananged to shed their inhibitions in their old age quite as well as she had. I plan to be like that when I'm 80!

Anywho, if you ever get the opportunity to see Mamma Mia, I highly recommend it, particularly for a girls night out! Here's the national tour website. And check out the FCCJ Artist Series website for information on all the great Broadway shows we bring to Jacksonville.

Random thoughts: Speaking of being a cool 80-year-old, my great Aunt Livy, who will be 86 in August, has become an email queen and actually used the phrase "batchin' it" in a note to me the other day....as in "Me and Sam [the dog] are batchin' it while Darleen and Charles are in Isreal". No lie. I about fell out of my chair.

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